What is going on?!

I cannot believe I didn't write more on here throughout the COVID-19 quarantine time, but here we are the beginning of June and things are finally starting back up again. For work we were able to open on May 15th. Those first few weeks were extremely stressful for me as I had over 300 people to call to get their appointments back on the book. It was a crazy time. I still feel pretty hectic and honestly I am worn out. This was my first weekend in a long time being off for Saturday and Sunday and I really have done next to nothing but I feel completely worn out. Today especially. I also have been going through some crazy emotions here lately. I have felt very sad and just altogether out of control. My heart has felt broken which I think has been a combination of stress at work, getting back into a routine day by day, and then mix all of that with more crazy that has been going on in the world and I have just been a mess. A couple weeks ago another innocent black man was killed by an officer. This particular officer with the help of 3 other officers held this man down with his knee on the back of his neck for over 8 minutes and ultimately he lost his ability to breathe and died. This incident coupled with the many other black men's lives who have been destroyed finally came to a head in our country and perhaps all over the world. Protests and riots have been breaking out all over the place. For the most part, peaceful protests have been going on but in some cases looting and breaking people's businesses have been going on. It's actually very scary for me. I am all for sticking up for the right things and certainly racism in our country is a big issue and problem. I am not racist and have never had a problem with anyone a different color or culture than me. I have no idea how it feels to grow up black and feel scared especially of people in authority. It's crazy. And it really makes me wonder what the heck is happening to our world. It has made me sad for humanity and has created this depression within me that has left me feeling helpless. It has surfaced my questions about not being able to have a baby. Then again I think, would I really want to bring a child into this kind of world we are living in? I really don't know. I just feel heartbroken. It makes me miss being in quarantine. It makes me wish we would go back into our homes and have better connection with people this way than anything else. It's so ridiculous. And I'm an extrovert saying this! I hope by the next time I write another post we will be in a different place. I hope I am in a different place.